It's been a while since I've posted on here, mostly because I've been developing a collection of ten poems. It was originally meant for a competition, but I did not win the competition, so instead it is here for you all.
This collection is about growing up. I'm not very old, I only just turned 21, and there's a lot of trying to understand who I am, and I have really been trying to create myself with a loving eye, if that makes sense. It's been a crazy year, and this collection really tracks that. It begins sad and angry, but ends much more content. Tell me what you think!
So, here is the fruit of my labors, thrown into the void for all you fun babies. I hope you enjoy! I'd like to make more collections in the future! I'd like to challenge myself more technically in the future, I've been working on some sonnets and villanelles, so we will see how that goes, as well as a collection on learning to write poetry! Thank you for reading!
Genesis 2:7
is there a god
who would condemn me
who would cast me out of the heavens
who would banish me for this
this inexplicable need
this burning want
to liquify my prescribed self
to press my body
into a fitting shape?
and what if I never stop
will I ever be satisfied
will I ever be enough
or am I held to this earth
tied to this body
and the cycles of the moon
left to yearn for
self unformed
personality unseen
identity unknown
until time slips by
like sand through my fingers
and I am left standing on this shore
the wind withering me away to nothing at all
to find myself grasping
grasping
grasping
grasping
grasping
at someone I dare not create?*****
Losing My Religion
I pray to a god
Deaf and blind
That you’ll love me
As I love you
But he
(like you)
Does not hear my prayers
And he
(like you)
Does not see my love
*****
Penelopiad
No longer
Shall I be some delicate thing
Tear-stained and beautiful
Gentle curves against the dying sun
No longer
Shall I linger
Watching waves lap upon
This barren shore
No longer
Shall I weave this shroud
Only to pull it apart
By the light of the moon
No longer
Shall my limbs protect you
My blossoms adorn you
My fruits sustain you
No longer.
(but I’ve grown roots on this shore;
which is worse,
uprooting myself or withering away?)
*****
Enough
I must learn
To stop asking
Love Me
And waiting for
Your answer
I will love myself
And it will be enough
will it be enough?
*****
Progress and Regress
How many stitches have I
Knit and Unknit?
How many words have I
Written and Unwritten?
How many lives have I
Built and Unbuilt?
(and still
i am here
i am whole
i am here)
*****
Confession
I
Was I not destined to fall?
Named for the very first beings
Celestial, ethereal, perfect
Who dared to rebell
Who questioned tradition
Who rejected the identity given to them
By a conceited and righteous god?
Who were cast out of high heaven
Because they loved themselves
More than some bearded man in the sky?
Why was I placed on this precipice?
Who formed me so that I would not fit?
I will arrive late, guns ablaze.
I will not watch you mourn
I will not join your sorrow
I will hold my head high and proud
I will not drown
I will fill these hallowed bones
With my righteous fury
I will arm myself with pride
I will wield anger
I will encase myself in wrath
And nothing will penetrate my defense
I cannot be cast out
I will not be cast out
I will leave of my own free will
I will free myself from you
(you who loved me most)
II
forgive me
i’ve missed the funeral
and far too late i’ve realized
i was wrong.
i was proud.
forgive me
i am young
i am afraid
i am known by you
and you love me for who i am
who i have always been
who i always will be
forgive me
there is no god
there is only you
and your endless love
and why did i worry this wasn’t
enough?
forgive me
i had forgotten
this metamorphosis
has not changed my core
i will always be myself
better and stronger now
but myself nonetheless
forgive me
*****
Inexplicable
what sweet-soft light is this
that cries where once a heart beat
this gentle ebb and flow
small and sad and full of love
a warm bath in the snow
a worn book in the rain
oh, spiked comfort that hurts
in its healing
this quiet whisper
a mother’s hush answering
infant tears
what word is there for this
too fleeting to be named
too delicate for examination
a snowflake on an eyelash
to be looked at
but not for long
oh, not for long
this sweet-soft balm
already gone
*****
A Kind Poem
This is my first
Kind poem,
Gentle and sweet
To soften my anxiety-edge
to weigh me down
to hold me close
to love me
I’ll take these gaseous
Atoms of myself
I’ll compress them
Solidify myself,
Still and contained
In my own loving palm
Let my cup runneth over
With love for myself
*****
Thank You
You did not create me
You did not dig
Potter’s hands into
My clay self,
Did not mold me for you
Did not ask anything of me
You loved me then
As you love me now
As I’ve loved you
As I’ll always love you
You smiled as my clumsy hands
Fumbled with the clay,
Grinned and said
You’re perfect
You’re kind
You’re wonderful
My feeble attempts at self-creation
Always met with joy
Always met with love
You trusted I would be the same
Except happier,
Better
(You knew me better than I know myself)
I love myself
as you loved me then
As you love me now
As I’ve loved you
As I’ll always love you
*****
A Benediction
My sweet one
My darling boy
My lovely child
My dear girl
Worthy of love
Worthy of life
You are so much
I do not tell you enough
How proud I am
How far you’ve come
Look at your shaking hands
Your tired lungs and
Palpitating heart
Feel your limbs
The weight of you
Be still and know
my dear my darling
You are loved and love in return
You are loved and love in return
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